Podcast: Kai Jamora

anchor.fm/maria-michaela-q-ja

Alright, another platform unlocked! I’ve been contemplating this for a long time since mayroon na akong iba’t-ibang platform. I find instagram suitable for posting photos while Tiktok naman for short videos compilation. Wherever I go, I normally don’t take photos anymore but more of a 180-360 degree video clip of the sorrounding.

So para saan ang isand podcast? I find the platform suitable para sa aking monologue moments. There are times na I like to explain things in a lengthy manner kasi andaming examples or points to be taken. I tried it in Tiktok but nagsusuffer ang flow of idea simply because of the time constraints. One more thing- I don’t like watching myself talk because my eyes has the tendency to roll or would constantly move sideways especially whenever I’m scrumbling for the next word to say. I usually combine English, Tagalog and bisaya when making statement which is a bit confusing because I’m not fluent with Tagalog and some bisayan words are harder to come by. For convenience, I use English for whichever terms I find hard to articulate in Tagalog or bisaya.

With podcast, I can simply record myself even when I’m lying on my bed and not to worry about lighting because in Tiktok, filters take care of the facial regime. Char. Moreover, I also want to practice my articulation using the subjects which I’m inclined from mental health, human behaviors, life lessons, as an OFW and an international student to coming back home.

Let me know if you happen to drop by. 😍

Daydreams to Reality

Having spent time alone made me revisit my dreams and aspirations. I now know why things never happened the way they did. Lack of focus, impatience and consistency were the culprit. Nonetheless, I still want to hold those dreams with me even if it will take time.

Back in the day, I’d list all my dreams in my diary. I failed to find it when I get back home but I could still remember what I wrote.

At fifteen, I want to learn languages (French as the prio), enrolled in Psychology, graduate with Latin honors and be able to study and work abroad. I’m happy that I have fulfilled two of the lists years later. In addition, I also wanted to start writing blogs, be able to scale mountains and experienced boarding on an airplane by myself. These were fulfilled as well.

Read more: Daydreams to Reality

Right now, I have these manifestations:

Career:

I WILL FINISH MY MASTER’S THIS SEMESTER (Spring 2021). It may have been delayed because of myself, but I will fight everyday to fulfill it.

I will take Psychology Licensure Examination once I’m back home. I will pass it and I will become a registered Psychologist by 2022.

Everything I wanted to do involves the practice of Psychology, in one way or another. I have suffered myself finishing a degree but without the confidence to pursue because of the lack of opportunities. So, why don’t I make one?

That is why, my utmost priority is becoming a Psychologist and began my practice privately and publicly. I’d like to work in government or court. Then, I’ll establish my own clinic once I have the “funds”. This private practice has to begin somewhere.

Of all aspect in Psychology, industrial is the most profitable one. That means, I’ll need to enter manpower agency. Good thing, I have friends to help me out (c/o Jas/Rose) with the ins and out of it. Besides, I like the practice of Psychology on it. After recruiting, there will be interviews and psychological assessment. This demand will be answered by another aspect which I can discuss later.

While I’m home, I will be a social entrepreneur.

I want to get involved in business to give people livelihood especially with the effect of pandemic. I’d like to do “pasabuy”, a concept where I will be buying in bulks from the city and sell it in my hometown so that people will have more convenience amidst travel restrictions. Should they wish to have it delivered at home, I will let the habal-habal drivers deliver the items and give them the delivery fee in full. This way, people will have more convenient getting their items while giving these drivers back their livelihood which was previously strained from not getting enough passengers due to social restrictions. I want to have online business through ticketing (travels/tours), drop shipping hair care products and writing engagement through my blog. I think it is the best way to start while looking for job and preparing for licensure exam. These will serve as passive income in addition to the financing I have myself involved since the beginning of 2021.

When all of this works out, I’d like to have a farm and open up cafe and employ my relatives and people I know. I imagine the cafe with rustic ambiance perfect for anyone. Actually inspired by MadCafe, I’d like it to have some places for students, professionals and travelers. The cafe itself will be within the farm where all my father’s rosters will be caged or be in fighting cock. The cafe will be open for commercials, shoots and tambayan for students or anyone. With international friends, I’d like to open it for foreigners who want to visit Bukidnon which is perfect since my hometown has more tourist attractions. I’d have them live there for free in exchange to some volunteer works. The farm will also be a place for gardening in which produce can be sold to the locals or visitors and serve the cafe. I want to have a glamping area and few rooms ready for the tourists. Glamping cars are open for renting. It is common to have an ecotourism so the farm is perfect for that. I’d like to have a pond for tilapia while maximing compost or organ ways to maintain the farm. I’d like the farm to be a nesting ground for children getting involved with Montesorri-inspired school. I think it is perfect to educate children with or without disability. Interns and newly-graduate education students are best to be hired at this point. Social events and campaigns will also be held within the vicinity of the farm. Overall, I’d like the farm to be well-rounded. A retreat for the family, clients whose well-being is to be protected, children wanting to learn, eco-warriors practicing their preach, farmers and their livelihood. What a dream will it be.

I will work in my hometown, either for rehabilitation center, hospital or court. I can also practice it and have the farm as my office. There, it will be like a Bali in Philippines wherein a client’s well-being is utmost priority. Maybe I will have a separate place so the clients will be given privacy- away from the noise of the other parts of the farms. Argh. I guess I needed to do Yoga or meditation training as it will fit for the surrounding. This is for the experience so I may be able to work in international organizations like WHO, Doctor’s without Boarders or even Red Cross. I want to be able to serve those war-stricken areas. I want to visit Africa through this. I want to be able to jump from one place to another not just for leisure but service. I am not that interested with luxurious life. A simple life is enough but I want to experience humanity at its finest. I’d like to counsel those who are hurt psychologically, empower people and children. I want to see world, through its best and worst forms. I want to come prepared.

Speaking of my desire to practice my profession and open up school, I’d like to extend it with recruiting agency/manpower. I can hire my friends in this. I think manpower will fill the industrial aspect in Psychology. I got the inspiration from my expat days. It’s hard processing all the documents by yourself. I see rich countries exporting human resource in Philippines because of its relatively young population. Plus I can make use of my online business for ticketing etc. I can also run in thru online without being in the office.

Travel:

Aside from my aspiration to travel the world to serve humanity, I will bring my family to the Holy Land, Rome and Egypt. It is my dream to bring atleast my parents there. I want to make memories with them through traveling and making videos for Youtube. I think it’s a great tribute for them. I remember watching Grandpas over Flower where they featured elder granpas trying out different cuisines and traveling around the world. Mama likes to travel. She wont make it known to us but she once kept a diary detailing every corners of the room.

House:

I don’t aspire to have a houseon my own as I will be living with my husband anyways. But, I will be renovating the house of my parents. I will put up rooms upstairs and put on bathroom. The room of my parents as well. I find the bedrooms too big for the room. So maybe a little space enhancemenf will do. Once it is done, I’ll put up an AirBnB where the money will be given to my parents. If I have work that time, I’ll be getting loan from PAG Ibig. That way is easier.

Health:

I wish to try triathlon. I want to do zumba, walking and stretching with my parents back home. The triathlon is for me to learn how to swim and ride a bike. When I’m capable enough, I will join IronMan. Maybe, cycling will be famous in our place because of the attraction but I hope the road will be as safe as Taiwan. I will learn how to drive so Papa doesnt need to drive by himself. Also, I can treat them anywhere after our walking and exercise sessions had i known how to drive. I want to bring them to hiking with me. Just like the elder people in Taiwan. It’s healthy and safe for them. Of course, I will train them to do just that. Hopefully, the trails will be friendly for all ages.

Lastly, I will get married and have triplets one day. I will continue to aspire and inspire.

One Step to the Present

My mind is all over the place. And it’s M-E-S-S-Y!

I’m in denial phase. I’m aware of that but the awareness doesn’t go beyond recognition. No action was done to counter unproductivity, yet, I keep being guilty about it. I get stuck there. As soon as I put all my concentration to the tasks and realizing the degree of work that needs to be done,I get frustrated and uncomfortable so I either crawl back to bed or pick up the phone. While on it, I saw these people on social media having the time of their lived BUT I comfort myself by doing the same chores. Cycle goes on.

I heard this “reality check” from Ms. Ellen Adarna herself “If you’re bothered by it, do something”.

That being said, I put time limit in my phone just to stop me from scrolling and spending so much time.

All these Years have Taught Me…….

I am writing this with despair.

I just went to our department’s office to submit my thesis proposal. I knew it was late. My professor told me days ago. Yet again, I still went for a luck.

Obviously, it didn’t turn out magical. The staff showed me the calendar. He pointed out the date. I was 9 days late. With a farewell message, he said I could try again next semester. I was flabbergasted.

There are moments in life like this where it’s easier to find something or someone to blame. Should I blame on the lack of communications me and my Prof had? Should I blame it to those countless of time I chose to do leisure things? Should I blame it to my recklessness and laziness? Should I blame it to my Prof? the Admin? the new policy? my part-time works? I can pick one and blame it all at once.

All this happened because of me. I made wrong choices and that I have to deal with the consequences. What are the consequences, you may ask?

First, I have to pay tuition by myself. My scholarship ended as I have already stayed for 2 years. Nonetheless, I have worked so much I knew I could afford another semester. But is it wiser to waste money? It’s definitely a poorer choice compared to saving the money for employment purposes or at least going back home this pandemic. Do I have the choice at the moment? No.

Next is the fact that having thesis still lurking, simply sucks. I could have finished it like one to two semesters ago like the way I planned. Was it materialize? Of course not. The pandemic (insert blah blah excuses) did not make it easier, either. However, getting that MS degree and start another chapter is undeniably better way to start your 2021, right? Are my hands already tightened? Bureaucratically speaking, yes.

Lastly, I would be spending another few months away from home. Those semesters which I somehow diverted to other stuff could be used to spend time my family again. Is it worth to waste another semester? Practically speaking, yes. It’s only affirmative because I had full control over my past decisions. Poor choices.

The consequences I will be facing again are more or less the same consequences my friends and classmates faced when they extended their study. I have asked so many questions to myself – even yet, blamed myself for it. Was extending that bad? Were all of them who extended suffered so much because of it? Did I fail myself again for setting goal that will not be achieved yet? Am I a failure?

Probably.

Probably not, and it’s only because I can do something about it moving forward.

In contrast, it’s quite surprising how many circumstances lead you to react differently each time it happens. I guess I have mastered choosing poorer choices that I’d take the result as it is and do something about it. Well, “the doing something about it” part is not necessarily true all the time. I’m probably more complacent yet forgiving to myself. Perhaps, I’m so done thinking things over and over again while receiving criticisms in between. I’d normally react in the most dramatic way whenever I chose to disclose my situation and earned a threat. God forbids. At times, I really feel so overwhelmed and frustrated that I’d simply burst into tears out of nowhere – getting signatures or at night before sleep. I will be so stressed out doing too much or not doing anything at all. But as long as I take care of these “frustrations”, my time is slipping away and the main task remains unfulfilled. Had I listen to other people’s criticisms will I let my self-esteem be affected. Seriously, I did consider giving sh*t when at the end of the day, I will have face all of these alone. Things that never actually matter, will start to matter.

So how am I learning after all of these? I learned to be in the present and tell myself that the only way to go is move forward. Hours after I shed some tears, I felt more relieved. I check social media posts that make me feel better- person, nature, food and babies. I refused to read anything that would trigger my anxiety. I protected my sanity long enough until I’m ready to face people again. I finished my last shift with such calmness. I learned that no single mistake will be rectified backwards, especially if each decision being made moving forward, won’t benefit the end goal. I learned to focus on today and the tasks I need to accomplish. Regretting becomes unnecessary.

Nobody had it worst. So, I will be okay.

COVID-19: From Stories to a Study

Before I start, please help me with my research about COVID-10, coping strategies and Psychological problem symptoms that are more likely to arise during this pandemic. Here’s the link: https://forms.gle/JVGF4CyHq7Adx85p8 . Let’s fight this pandemic one response at a time!

Attacks from Uninvited

That’s me laughing my heart out inside an abandoned building with nothing inside but colorful graffiti and debris. That’s also me when I somehow managed to get through some episodes. 🙂